


Cutie and the Beast Next Door

by YetAnotherSkeletonFan



Category: Plushysins (tumblr), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bara Sans, Cute smol, F/M, Fluff, No Plot, Red - Freeform, Self Insert, Slight swearing, cute headcannons, female insert - Freeform, maybe no burn, plushysins, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YetAnotherSkeletonFan/pseuds/YetAnotherSkeletonFan
Summary: You move in next to a grumpy gaming skeleton. Will you be able to be-friend him despite your misgivings? Will he be able to stand up to your cuteness? Who knows.





	1. Assaulty Gamer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PlushyRobot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlushyRobot/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy my first fanfic online! If you do I would really appreciate feedback and encouragement because I am an insecure writer. This is mostly an excuse to write fluff of plushysin's underfell Sans, named Red. http://plushysins.tumblr.com/mts WARNING: Link leads to a nsfw undertail blog. Do not browse if you are under 18.

You moved in a week ago. It was a tiny apartment in a big complex down town. It really only had three rooms. One was divided into a living room and kitchen by a shelved peninsula. The shelves were asymmetrical boxes which you filled with your favorite toys, books, and nick-knacks to make it feel more like home... You still got homesick.

There were two windows in the apartment. One above the kitchen sink, and the other in your bed room. Both had a lovely view of the other apartment complex across the street. Your bed room was a decent size. It comfortably fit a full size bed and a dresser big enough to hold all your clothes and other bedroom necessities. You'd even managed to squeeze a 10 gallon fish tank in the corner, stocked with vibrant neon tetras and cute corydora catfish. It would have been a very nice place to sleep if it wasn't for your neighbor, the bear. At least you assumed it was a bear based on the way they snored at night.

So you saved your bed for things like reading, and slept on ye olde brown couch in the living room. You'd already slept on it so much it had conformed to your body. (which is probably why your parents gave it to you.)  
The pride and joy of your house however, was the 42' inch plasma TV and entertainment system complete with several of the latest gaming platforms. You had all the entertainment you could possibly want: Netflix, DVDs, music, and a ton of games. In fact, you thought as you gazed at the surplus of games lining one wall of the living room, you might have a problem.

Tonight your biggest problem was your neighbor again. Even two walls and a bed room couldn't stop the loud rock and roll music from keeping you awake. Unfortunately you weren't a fan of confrontation and went to great lengths to avoid it. That's why you decided to take your aggravation out on someone anonymously.  
You launched X-box live and found the perfect candidate. Your long time gaming rival, Redskull88 was on. You sent the invite and waited for him to take the bait. As soon as he entered the room it was on.

"YOU READY TO GO DOWN SUCKAH? CUZ I AIN'T PLAYIN' TODAY!" You squawked at him.

"nice to see you too kid." You could practically hear the eye-roll in his deep growly baritone. Wait, under that voice, was that more rock music? What's with these guys? "so you mean like the last twenty times?"

"EXCUSE YOU! It was eleven times, and twelve is my lucky number so there's no way I'll lose!"

He sighs as you pick out your characters and chose a stage.  
The first round you came out strong and wound up running down the clock with enough HP to win. The second round Redskull88 won by spamming the same combo, juggling you against the side of the stage.

"STOP CHEESING ME YOU FASCIST!"

"hey i thought it was a pretty gouda strategy."

"ARRRRGH!"

In the third round you seemed doomed to fail. You were holding on with a small chunk of health and your opponent was not letting up. As a final Hail Mary you attempted a combo that you had never gotten to work before...It worked. You won.

"Holy shit, I won? YEEEEEEEEEES!" You squealed and hollered loudly while jumping on your couch like you just pulled winning lottery numbers. "SUCK IT! I TOLD YOU! HAIL HYDRA, NERD! AHAHAHAHA" In your excitement you didn't notice the rock music stop.

"you want to run that by me again, 'kid'." Oh he sounded pissed.

"What, couldn't hear my awesomeness the first time? Suck. My. DAAACK! I beat you! I beat you fair and square ya cheezing fascist! So what's your excuse?" You adopted a mocking tone. "Oh, my controller is broken, uuuuh, there was laaaaag! Weeeeeeh!"

An animalistic snarl came through the headphones. "you better watch your fuckin' tone kid, or should I say ms. two o' three?" You froze. How did he know your apartment number?

"that's right lady, **_I know where you live_**."

Your heart jumped into your throat as your stomach plummeted through the floor. Then a loud bang on the wall made you scream.

Oh god, he was right next door.

You lunged out of your apartment in a full panic. Running down to the end of the hall you forego the elevator, taking the stairs two at a time. You burst out of the stair well and looked around. To the right down the hall a ways was the lobby and safety. Closer to the left was a fire exit door and freedom, but someone was in the way.

He was a monster, literally and figuratively. Tall and broad with a skull like face baring sharp teeth. He wore a spiky leather jacket with ripped jeans and oddly, a skull cap. He extended his arm toward you, sharp claws curled dangerously.

"hey, hold it!" He growled in a voice that was all too familiar.

It was him, Redskull88. How the hell did he get down here so fast? You turned and ran for the lobby, your heart beating against your ribs like a caged bird. Perhaps with enough head start you could make it before he could catch up to you.  
You were almost there. Just a few more doors and around the corner. Surely there was a doorman or someone there that could save you. You were about to cry for help when you suddenly ran into something hard with an audible bang and fell flat on your back. When you propped yourself on you elbow and looked up he was there. He loomed over you, glaring with a blood red ember flickering in one eye socket, the other dark and empty.

You couldn't move, couldn't breathe. You stared up at him slack jawed and wide eyed. Your head swam dizzily, your stomach turned itself inside out. You didn't know whether you were going to throw up or pass out...

You passed out.

* * *

  
You woke up to the feeling of cold water poured on your face. "Oh fuck!" You sat up sputtering, quickly wiping the water away from your eyes.

"tsh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

You backed into the corner of the couch with a gasp. There stood the skeleton with a local zoo souvenir cup in his hand. Wait, that was one of your cups, and this was your couch.

"H-how?"

"you left your door open."

"Wh- I- I-" You stuttered and curled your arms in front of your chest defensively.

"listen up," He barked, pointing a sharp pointy finger at you while you squeezed yourself further between the arm and the couch cushion. "you can't tell anybody about this. if the landlord finds out he's gonna kick me out and i ain't gonna be happy about it. got it?"

"I- I'm sorry." You managed to squeak out. You tried to hold back a sob as a tears escaped your eyes. This was why you avoided conflict.

"no, no, d- don't do that. oh c'mon kid..." He looked off to the side with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, creating a soft grinding noise. "i wasn't trying to scare you that bad ya know. look, let's just forget about it." He looked down at the cup in his hand then held it out to you. You slowly took it and looked inside. It still had some water in it.

You took a tentative sip and stole a quick glance at him before mumbling weakly.

"But I won though..."

The skeleton snorted and leaned back, giving you an incredulous look. "really kid, really? That's what you're going for? You're gh- nuh- fft- grrrAAAAH FINE WHATEVER!" He threw his arms in the air exasperatedly and stomped out of your apartment, slamming the door behind him.

In the silence that followed you replayed that night's events over and over again in your head. That definitely could have gone better, but it could have gone a lot worse too. You were still alive after all. Maybe monsters weren't as horrible as you had heard. This was really the first time you'd interacted with one. Maybe you should try to get to know him.

You wiped at the condensation on your cup with your thumb as you thought. You remembered seeing the skeleton before, a few days ago in the basement laundry room. You had been too scared to go in with him and had snuck back upstairs. Perhaps he had seen you then too. Oh that would be embarrassing.

With a groan you rolled over, placing the cup on your cheap cedar coffee table. The clock on the cable box said it was well past midnight and you had work in the morning. You performed your nightly routine and lay down on the couch, pulling the quilt throw blanket off the back to cover yourself.

You spent the rest of the night going over scenarios that would never happen until you fell asleep.


	2. Roof Access

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You stalk your neighbor and learn some neat things.

That weekend you made up your mind to befriend the skeleton.

You weren't going to do it at first. Especially after you told your best friend at work what happened and they freaked out. They told you you were brave; they told you you were lucky. Then they told you about all the monster attacks they'd read about online. They suggested you move out and offered to let you crash at their place, but your friend was pretty high strung, you really didn't want to live with them.

The more you thought about it the less sense it made. Monsters were a little moody, but didn't really attack unless provoked. (though their definition of provoked could be a bit loose.) Most of them kept to themselves. For every "monster attack" there were 100 or more who had never done anything wrong. Heck you'd been there a whole 8 days before you even knew you lived next to a monster. Plus, you'd played video games with each other for an entire 2 months, you were practically friends already. So why was it so hard to just go over there and knock?

You stood in the living room staring at the peep hole in your door while your anxiety and curiosity warred for dominance in your head. It wasn't like he was an unreasonable monster. The worst that could happen was that he rejects you and you both move on with your lives separately right? He certainty wasn't going to rip you apart with those claws and teeth...  
Maybe you should wait until he gets back online. At least then...

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a door closing and heavy foot steps in the hall. Was that him? Was he leaving? This could be your last chance to see him. It was now or never. You stood on your toes to try and use the peep hole but all you saw was the grey ceiling. Curse your squat stature! You waited a bit before opening the door just enough to get your head through and look down the hall.

You saw him enter the stairwell. Well of course he would use the stairs, the elevator was slower than a legless turtle. Only the old and the infirm used that elevator. You quickly sneaked- no wait! What if he forgot something and came back? Just act casual.

You _casually sauntered_ down the hall and squeezed through the stairway door. You saw him on the landing above you turn the corner. Why was he going _up_ the stairs? Was he meeting someone else? Was it another monster? You trotted up the stairs, anxiety completely forgotten.

When you got to the third floor landing something strange happened. You jumped at a loud pop, like a single fire cracker, followed by a familiar cursing. You looked over the banister to see Redskull88 on the ground floor rubbing his chin. Somehow, someway, he'd gone down 3 flights of stairs in an instant, without ever passing you. Could he...teleport?! Your eyes widened as you gasped at the prospect. You had to know.

Before you could get his attention he was gone. As if by some slight of hand he disappeared, leaving you with a sense of wonder and a twinge of disappointment. You were sure you lost him when you heard the loud creaking of a door above you. Could that be him? You ran up to the fourth floor and checked the hallway, it was empty. You ran up to the fifth floor, he wasn't there either. Now you were only left with disappointment.

You were about to give up and go home when you noticed one last staircase with a door at the top, slightly ajar and letting a column of light through. You could get on the roof? Cool! You went up this flight a little slower than the others, running out of breath and stumbling over a rock as you went through the noisy door.

"Who's there? A loud angry voice called from behind. You slowly went around the concrete walls sheltering the stairwell. All your previous excitement had turned into an uncomfortable ball of shyness in your stomach, and you pulled on your finger guiltily. "Oh it's you again." The skeletal man's shoulders visibly relaxed when he recognized you. "What do you want?"

"Oh...You know...just um...exploring." You panted out between breaths. Maybe running up all those steps was a bad idea. He lowered two thick bony ridges on his brow and narrowed his eyes, obviously disbelieving, but saying nothing more.  
He turned and looked out over the horizon, bringing his hand up to his face. You heard him take a deep breath and watched a cloud of smoke billow around his head. He was smoking? “OK, are you really a skeleton?"

You saw his shoulders twitch before he answered. "no. i’m a monster.”

“You kinda look like a skeleton.”

“and you look like a monkey. what’s yer point?”

That gave you pause. Had you upset him? You walked up beside him and looked at his face. He took a quick glance at you but otherwise kept a neutral expression. Other than the lack of nose and actual eye balls his face wasn’t very skull like. He seemed to have cheeks, lips, even eyelids. Not to mention the eyebrows you’d noticed before, all made up of hard bone like skin. At least you assumed it was skin, based on how expressively he could move it. He glanced at you again with the strange red oval lights in his otherwise empty eye sockets.

“wouldja quit starin’?”

“Oh sorry.” You looked down at your shoes, wringing your fingers again and nibbling on your lower lip in nervous habit. There was an awkward pause.

“so uh, what’s yer name kid?” You stole another glance and told him your name. “Heh, what a mouthful.” It was your turn to look disbelieving.

“Well ok then Mr. Red Skull Eighty Eight, what’s your name?” You countered, putting your hands on your hips.

He took a long drag of his cigarette before answering. “it’s just Red.”

"Just Red..." You repeated flatly.

"yup." He ashed his cigarette over the edge of the roof. "don't wear it out."

"Heh, it's nice to meet you Just Red." He shoots you a glare but the goofy grin on your face makes him snort.

"you're a little brat aren't you?" He says with a smirk.

"Hehe, maaaaybe." Satisfied with his reaction you look out over the roof and finally take in the scenery. "Oh wow."

The apartment complex was built near the top of a large hill. Stretched out before you were criss-crossing streets lined with old tenement houses turned into businesses and shopping centers bustling with weekend shoppers. Beyond that, looking very small, sat an operational train yard. It was just the right distance to make the train's whistles a pleasant background noise. It was a beautiful clear day, so on the horizon you could just make out the Ebott Mountain Range.

"This is great! Man I wish my apartment was on this side of the building." You took a step closer to the ledge and leaned over, hands on your knees. Down below was a parking lot with a few cars and pick up trucks in it, as well as two guys having a conversation. The whole complex was surrounded by trees to give residents a little sense of privacy.

Suddenly you felt a sharp tug and gasped as you stumbled back from the ledge. Red held onto the back of your shirt until you were steady. "watch it kid, the last thing we need around here is a human pizza." You gazed up at him with wonder. Was he actually concerned for you? How adorable!

"d-don't look at me like that." He turned his head away and put his hands in his pockets, cigarette dangling from his scowling mouth. you curled your fingers under your chin and grinned at him, batting your eyelashes.

" _ **I SAID CUT IT OUT!**_ "

"Eeep!" You jumped back with a squeak. "I-I-I'm s-sorry!" you sniffled, looking properly cowed. Red frowned and held his hands up defensively, looking sheepish on his part.  
This was the worst barnyard ever.

"hey no, no, it's f-fine. Don't cry. it's ok, really."

Don't cry. For some reason those two little words always made it worse. You felt your throat and chest tighten. You swallow the hot lump of emotion and bite the knuckle of your finger to try and stop your downward spiral. Red continued his attempts to mollify you.

"look, how 'bout a pizza? a-a real pizza not the uh, hm." He cleared his throat. "my treat." he took the cigarette from his teeth and rolled it between his thumb and forefinger, looking awkward as all get out. You fought back a snort. For a big scary monster he could sure be cute.

"well?" Oh he wanted an answer. You pulled your hand away from your face and nodded. "great, let's go." He flicked his cigarette away as he turned around.

"Gross." You complained, littering was one of your big pet peeves. Red glared at you over his shoulder and you decided to say nothing more about it. _This time_.

When you rounded the concrete stairwell Red slapped his forehead and groaned. "Oh for heaven's _sake_ kid." What could you have possibly done now? "i put that rock there for a reason. the door locks itself from the inside."

Oh no.

_You closed the door._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! It's chapter 2! I really appreciate all the love you guys have given me so I hope you all like it, and look! Plushy herself drew [Red from the first chapter](http://66.media.tumblr.com/ef30c980cf615a83ed22e179e9022cfc/tumblr_inline_odq01wWKcA1rc0vwo_500.png). Look at that cute zoo cup! Chapters will continue to be short until I get a feel for things. Hopefully I can update at least once a week.


	3. Magic Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Red try to impress each other. Red is far more successful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning: Mild vomit and angst happen after the line.

You thought about the life choices that led you to this moment. Stuck on a roof with an angry monster who probably thinks you're the biggest idiot in the whole building. A whine comes unbidden from your lips as you cover your face to hide your shame. You sobbed, of course you sobbed. Not only were you an idiot you were a cry baby too. 

Rough, hot fingers suddenly wrapped around your wrists and yanked your hands away. 

You came face-to- _chest_ with Red. 

"hey come on, that's enough of that." While annoyed, he didn’t sound as mad as you thought he'd be. In fact he almost sounded gentle. You slowly glanced up at his face through your bangs. He was still glaring at you, but it was a softer glare. "it's not that bad. i can handle this." He waited until he was sure you'd stopped crying before he let go of your wrists and stepped back. 

"heh, wanna see a magic trick?" He asked, smirking. You nodded slowly. "keep watchin'. now you see me,"  The red lights in his sockets faded away, leaving two black voids.  "now you don't!" A flickering red and orange ember appeared in his left eye. It flickered faster and faster before it disappeared, along with the rest of him. Oh right, he could teleport. 

Despite seeing it once before you gasped in awe. It was different up close. You actually felt the air rushing past you to fill the empty space left behind. It wasn't long before you heard the loud creaking of the door to your right and Red came through. You cheered and clapped your hands rapidly in applause. 

Red smiled at you. He actually smiled! The toothy grin brought a sweetness to his eyes that you hadn't thought possible in a monster. Oh, you had to see more of that smile. "thanks. now let's go, ya goober." He jerks his head towards the stairs and steps aside to hold the door open for you. 

You went through the door with a head so full of questions they were overflowing from your mouth. "That was so cool! How do you do that? What does it feel like? Can all monsters teleport? How far can you go? Can you teleport with other people? Can you-” 

"whoa, whoa!" Red held a hand up to your face to quiet you. "pizza first, questions later. geez." He stuck his hands in his pockets and went down the stairs. You followed close behind. 

"Hey um, I know you said 'my treat', but I could pay for my own p-" 

"it's fine. i've got it." His tone left no room for argument, but you thought you'd tell him how you feel anyway. 

"I just don't want you to think I'm manipulating you, cuz I'm honestly not. I'm just...kinda sensitive." 

Red snorted. "kinda?" He suddenly glanced over his shoulder nervously as if that would make you cry. You scowled at him. You weren't that sensitive! "you're not at all what I expected." 

"Oh? What did you expect?" You rounded the fourth landing and headed down to the third. 

"a twelve year old boy for one thing." He mumbled. "what's up with the act?" You went out of your way to convince people online that you were indeed a young boy, even using the XBOX name yesiam12. 

"Guys are less likely to send you dick pics if they think you're a kid." 

"people actually do that? wow, what the fuck?" Red shook his head as he stepped onto the second floor landing, going into the hallway home stretch. 

"Exactly! I mean, I know it gets lonely in your parent's basement but try to keep it in your pants, man!" You stopped in front of Red's door, you hadn't even noticed passing yours. 

"hah, now that's the kind of thing i expected from you." He took his keys out of his pocket and undid the lock, gesturing for you to follow as he went in. 

 

Red swiped his old flip phone from a coffee table and dropped into a peeling grey pleather couch with an ugly green blanket folded over the back, flanked by mismatched pillows. He dialed the pizza parlor while you took in the apartment. 

The layout was almost exactly like yours but reversed, with the couch to the left as you walked in and TV to the far right. The coffee table was a mess. It had a gash on the edge and was covered in chip bags, jerky stick wrappers, juice bottles, and a lonely looking beer can. On the peninsula where you had toys, books, and trinkets, he had CDs, records, and music memorabilia. Where you had games and gaming systems he had...well, he did had two gaming systems, an Xbox and N64, but the most impressive thing was the state of the art sound system flanked by even more records. He also had a speaker in every corner of the room. One speaker had a scratched up acoustic guitar leaning on it. 

"hey what do you want?" Red was leaning forward, one arm on his knee, the other knee bouncing with pent up energy as he held his phone up to his...wait he didn't have ears! You're momentarily distracted by this revelation before he snaps his fingers with a loud clack. 

"Uh, PEPPERONI! Medium." Red gave you a questioning look at your outburst. 

"yyyyeah, gimme one large magic meat lovers and a medium pepperoni... no, cut them both...that's right, 204...ok." He hangs up and tosses his phone back on the coffee table. You curl up on the other side of the couch with your chin on your knees and stare at him owlishly. "we got twenty minutes...uuuh, what?" He sits up stiffly. 

"How do you hear?!" You whisper loudly in awe. He frowned and shrugged exaggeratedly. "Ok real talk though. Teleporting?" 

He rubs his chin and his eye lights rise up in his head as he thinks. "i don't know exactly how i do it. i just focus on a place, reach out with my magic, and pull. it feels like falling, no, far enough, and yes." He ticked off the answers with his fingers. 

"Wow, you remembered all my questions! I'm impressed." You shifted to a more comfortable position. "Sooo, you can obviously teleport with objects, or you'd wind up naked." He snorted at that. "What's the biggest thing you've ever teleported with?" 

"hmm, moved a forklift once." He looked down at the pile of trash on his coffee table and glanced at you self-consciously. Then he stood up and started gathering stuff in his arm. You were about to help when he held out a hand to block you. "Siddown, i got this." 

"Oh, ok." You leaned back into the couch and crossed your arms. "...Can you teleport things without going with them?" 

"sheesh kid! what's with the interrogation?" He straightened up and walked by with trash either stacked in one arm or gripped in his other hand. As he passed you to get to his kitchen you were struck again by just how big he was. He had at least a foot of height on you and was a lot thicker. He even seemed to have a gut hiding under his T-shirt. Was that made of bone too? 

"Oh, I'm sorry...It's just...Well it's exciting ya know? I didn't even know teleportation was a thing until now. I mean I've seen it in books, movies, tv shows, it's all over the sci-fi genre. But that's all it ever was, fiction. And then monsters showed up and suddenly all that fantasy could be real? That's awesome! I might see a real life dragon one day, I've always wanted to see a real live dragon! And I've always wanted to know more but monsters are so stand offish and I have a hard enough time talking to other humans, let alone monsters, and you're the first monster I've ever been able to talk to, and..." 

"whoa, WHOA." Red cut off your rant. "i get it, you're excited." He dumped his garbage into a white plastic can by the fridge, the flip lid sitting neglected beside it. When he turned around he saw you giving him puppy eyes with your bottom lip poking out. He let out a long suffering sigh. "fine. one more question, but that's it." 

You put your fist up to your mouth in a thinker pose. If you were only getting one question then you'd better make it a good one. One that he couldn't answer with just ‘yes’ or ‘no’. A truly open ended question that could go anywhere. "Hmmm...What else can you do with your magic?" 

Still standing next to the fridge, Red flipped the door open. "what do you want to drink?" 

"Oh, uh, anything really, I'm not too picky. No alcohol though." 

"watch." Red held up his hand and a water bottle flew off one of the door shelves and right into his palm. 

"WHOA!" 

Red held the water bottle toward you and let go. "think fast." You tried to catch it as it flew by, but it bounced off your hand and hit the wall by the door. This gave you many emotions, such as awe, confusion, and frustration. You decided to express these feelings through gibberish and pointing. Red's chuckle made you scowl. He probably did that on purpose. 

"it's gravity magic; it's easiest making things fall in another direction." He explained. "now keep quiet. i have to concentrate for this." When he held his hand out again you noticed the flickering ember return to his left eye.  The water bottle abruptly flew over the coffee table and stopped before slowly lowering onto the table's surface.

Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened. "That's so cool." You whispered reverently. 

"heh, it's just a water bottle." Red grabbed a beer and closed the fridge. He rubbed the back of his neck as he walked by, taking his seat on the couch. 

"But you moved it with your MIND! Like you've got telekinesis!" You gasped. "You've got teleportation, and telekinesis, so if you had telepathy you'd have a tele-trifecta! OH MY GOD CAN YOU READ MINDS? What am I thinking?" 

"hey! what did i say about the questions?" His bark had no bite in it but you covered your mouth and looked mortified anyway. His mouth twitched as he struggled to keep a straight face. "ok, fine. i can't read minds but i got one more trick to show you. ready? don't touch the table." 

You obediently pulled your feet away from the coffee table and watched. When Red stomped his foot on the floor a crooked femur-like bone shot out of the table top, making you shriek. You got a good look as it slowly sank back into the table. It looked like it had been broken and rehealed without being properly set,  and there was a thin wavering red aura around it. 

You’d put your fingers over your mouth when you’d screeched and you kept them there in shock. It wasn’t at all like a Halloween prop. It was the real thing. It was alive. When you glanced over at Red the proud, lopsided smirk on his face quickly fell. 

"Wow that was uh...W-what was that?" 

"oh uh...ya know...it's just a s-skeleton thing. heh..." He grimaced and looked away. 

“Is it...bad?” 

“what? no!” His head snapped back to look at you with wide sockets and tiny lights. “i’m not gonna hurt you! i-it’s just a thing...i can do... that’s all…” He looked away again with his shoulders hunched around his neck, looking even more sullen than before. 

You sighed. Was he really worried about your opinion? Maybe there was more in common here than you thought. You gently brushed your fingers against his arm so he’d look at you and smiled reassuringly. “Can you show me again?” 

“you wanna see it again?” You nodded. “really?” You nodded again, harder this time. He let out a deep breath he’d been holding. “well...alright.” He turned a fiery gaze back to the table and another bone slowly rose from it. This one was straight but covered in nicks and scratches like it had been chewed on. 

You reached your hand out and glanced at Red to see if he’d stop you. He didn’t, so you poked it. It was hard and solid like any bone would be. You ran two fingers down it’s side and felt the divots and grooves...and something else. “It’s warm!” 

“yeah, that’s magic for ya.” Well he seemed to have relaxed a little, at least. 

“Wait!” A thought just occured to you. “Is it one of yours?!” You looked up and down his body as if he might be missing an arm or leg. He started laughing, It made his belly shake like a bowl full of jelly.

 “no, no, goofball. that’s not how it works. it’s just magic. here, watch this.” He pointed back at the table.

 More bones popped up beside the first. Each one a little different from the last. One was even broken and jagged, missing the thick epicondyle the others had. They danced on the table, going up and down and up and down, doing the wave to the left and then the right. It reminded you of a dancing fountain, if a little macabre. Soon a train of bones was travelling around the room. Across the floor, up the wall, back across the ceiling, down the middle of the couch, (which made you squeal and giggle) and back to the table. Then they rearranged themselves until they spelled out a single word.

 

 “BUTTS”

 

 You burst out laughing, followed shortly by Red. He had a great big cackle, completely unapologetic and in great contrast with your own childish giggles and snickers. The two of you continued to laugh, each fueled by the other’s.

 “Oh my god..and here...here I thought...that I was the one who acted twelve!” You laughed out.

 “no way, are you kidding? butts will _always_ be funny.” He tried to make a straight face, but when you dissolved into another fit of giggles he quickly followed suit.

 Your laughter was interrupted by a knock at the door. Red stopped laughing immediately and got up, while you flopped on the couch in a post giggle high. He answered the door with an odd familiarity.

 “oh, hey pizzapants.” This made you snort loudly.

 “Dude, why do you call me that?” Replied a nasally voice from someone you couldn’t see.

 Red shrugged. “monster joke.”

 “Whatever man, it’s 29.89.”

 Red pays the guy and takes the boxes, grumbling something about price gouging as he turns around. The door slams shut by itself. “alright squirt, it’s lunch time. sit up.”

 You did as you were told while he came back to the couch. He sets the boxes on the coffee table and opens one. It’s your pepperoni. He slides it towards you and opens his; it looked like an everyday meat lovers but...thinner. There was something less solid about the meat and cheese especially. The pizza was still hot when you picked up one of your slices, so you nibble off the tip. Red on the other hand doesn’t seem to care and bites his slice in half. It wasn’t a little slice either.

 “So that’s monster food right? Made of magic?” You asked, gesturing to his pie. Red’s mouth is full so he just nods. “I read a report about it online. Is it true it’s not really meat? That you can make some monster veggies look and taste like meat?” His eye lights rolled around in his skull as he gave an irritated grunt. Oh right, you weren’t supposed to be asking questions. “Sorry...Just trying to make conversation.”

 Red swallowed and replied. “well I’m trying to eat, an’ i really don’t want to think about where humans get their meat from.” You guiltily look down at your pizza and slowly peel the pepperoni you bit in half off your slice. “whoa, shit, i didn’t mean...look, it’s fine ok? you’re not the only animal that eats other animals. just eat yer damn pepperonis.” You snorted and smiled fondly. He had a funny way of showing he cared, but he did care.

 You took another bite of pizza, (with pepperoni) and a comfortable silence fell between you. At least you thought it was comfortable. When you looked back at Red he was staring at you with a pink dusting across his cheekbones that quickly turned darker before he looked away.

 You grinned mischievously. “Hey Red. Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

 “i’m wondering if you can eat that whole pizza by yerself.” He grumbled. You inhaled sharply through your nose and puffed your chest out.

 “You’re on! This pizza is toast!” You grabbed another piece and bit off as much as you could chew.

 “i think it’s considered a pie.” Red snickered. The two of you continued to eat your pizzas and egg each other on, in your own special ways. You trying to convince Red he was full, while he kept telling you you had room for one more.

 “Hey um, after lunch, can we play your N64? I haven’t played one in years.” You finally asked half way through your pizza. You were starting to feel a little bloated so you thought it might distract him and give your stomach time to settle.

 “if you can finish that pizza i’ll let you keep it the whole weekend.” He raised the stakes on you. He must be telepathic. He knew you’d stay up all damn night to fulfill your nostalgia cravings. You leaned back against the edge of the couch. At some point you had slid off to be closer to the coffee table. You needed your focus.

 “I’m gonna need more water.” You took a bite out of another slice.

 Soon all that was left was a single crust of your pepperoni pizza. Your stretched stomach was screaming at you to stop, acid burning up your heart, but Red was rooting for you. You could do this. You couldn’t quit this close to your goal. It was just a little more bread!

Red told you 2 pieces ago that you could quit if you wanted, but you were committed. Come hell or high water you were going to finish that pizza.  He watched you lift the crust to your mouth with wide eyes. His fingers were steepled against his lips and a bead of sweat traveled down his temple. You took one bite and chewed. Then you took a second. You took a third. You brought the final piece to your lips and...you swallowed and let out a long slow breath.

 

* * *

 

Red let out a long low whistle. “i gotta admit, squirt. i didn’t think you’d make it after the sixth slice. great job.” You closed your eyes and nodded, clenching your teeth. You didn’t trust your mouth not to betray you. “you uh...ok? Still up for some smash or somethin’?” You covered your mouth and ran into the bathroom. “huh, guess not…”

 Eventually you came back out, trembling slightly with a sheen of sweat on your face. “Um...your toilet lid was down...sorry about the sink...I-I tried to clean it but…”

 “Naw kid, shit. i should have stopped you.” He came up beside you and herded you onto the couch. You dropped onto the cushion with a deep sigh. “you uh, need anything?”

 “Got any mouthwash?” He shook his head sadly. “A soda?” He couldn’t even look you in the eyes. “There’s some in my fridge. Can you go get it?” Before you’d even finished the sentence he’d disappeared. Well you were going to give him your keys…

 He appeared before you with a pop about 3 seconds later, soda can in hand. “sh-shit i uh. shouldn’t of done that...listen i swear i’d never do that without your permission. i mean you did kind of give me permission so uh…” He finally handed you the can of sweet bubbly after you made grabby hands at it. You were more concerned with the lingering taste in your mouth than a minor home invasion.

 You pulled the pop tab and cracked the seal but instead of the usual satisfying swish and pop the can hissed angrily and sprayed it’s syrupy nectar straight into your face. Red swore loudly and snatched the can away, throwing it into the sink. You stared where the soda just was in shock. You could feel the wet stickiness all over your hands and face. Could this get any worse?

 “fuck…” You glanced over at Red. He was leaning over the kitchen sink with one hand over his face, his other was clenched in a tight fist. “fuck, GODDAMN IT!” He slammed his fist onto the counter, which made you jump.

 “I-I’m sorry?” Even if the yelling wasn’t directed at you, you felt compelled to apologize.  You could already feel pressure building in your chest. Why did you have to be so sensitive?

 “you’re sorry?” Red rounded on you with his teeth bared. “YOU’RE SORRY?! i make you throw up an entire pizza and spray this goddamn shit in your face and you’re sorry?!” He grabbed the soda can out of the sink and crushed it. The soda poured down his fist onto the floor, foaming softly. “what the hell is wrong with you? WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?”

 You gasped sharply and ran out of the apartment as fast as your panicked legs could carry you. You fumbled with the lock on your door, forgetting that you hadn’t even locked it when you left. Why were you such an idiot? How could you be so foolish? Everything you’d done that day was a mistake. You got the door open after what felt like far too long and rushed inside, slamming it shut. You collapsed into the corner and start crying, hard.

So much for befriending the skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter got long. It's so long Red started to angst. Darn it you edgelord, this is supposed to be a fluff fic! We'll have to fix it next chapter. Anyway I've been thinking... This self insert has been getting pretty fleshed out in my brain. I'm wondering if I should go back, add some descriptions, and give you a name. What do you guys think? If I do this it might take a little longer for the next chapter, and your character will have her own background, but I think it'll add a lot to the story in the long run.


	4. NINTENDO SIXTY-FOUR!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Red bond over brothers.

You awoke the next morning still groggy from yesterday’s emotional rollercoaster. As you fixed a comforting breakfast of egg on toast you decided today would be a lazy day. There would be no getting dressed or doing much of anything if you could help it. You sat on the couch with your food and opened a brand new Toshiba laptop you’d gotten as a moving out present from your parents. It was time to catch up on social media.

As you were scrolling you got a text from your friend Catherine. Last night you’d called her in a tizzy and told her about what happened. You could always count on Cathy to give you a proper perspective on these things.

CATHY: r u ok or do I come over

QTPIE: I’m fine. Gonna relax today.

CATHY: good cuz I will drive 2 hours for u but that doesn't mean I want to

QTPIE: Well maybe I don’t want you here either! >:P j/k ilu.

CATHY: Wow I c how it is bitch LOL gotta go to church now bye

You put your phone down with a snort. The only place she worshiped was the coffee shop. Stacy may be your favorite co-worker, but it was Cathy who was truly your best friend. She’d stuck with you through thick and thin since fifth grade.

You continued to surf the internet uninterrupted until after lunch. You were in the weird side of youtube when two sharp knocks on the door made you squeak and nearly drop your laptop.

“Who’s there?”

“...apple.”

That sounded like Red! What was he doing here? Why did he say apple?

“...ahapplewho” He coughed. Ooooh, it was a joke. You giggled at the absurdity.

“Apple who?”

“i’m here to apple-ogize. open the door.”

You put your laptop down and darted over to your door. You opened it just enough to peek one eye through. Red stood in the hallway with a box under his arm and a hand on the back of his head, looking uncomfortable. He wasn’t wearing his jacket! He had on a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt so you could actually see his arm bones. His radius and ulna were so thick there was hardly any space between them.

“hey. you uh, forgot your prize.” He shook the box a little. You could hear something plastic shifting around inside. It must of been his N64.

“Oh. Oh! Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” You opened the door to let him in. When you looked up at his face his eye lights had gone out and a blush was quickly blooming across his face. You looked back down at the pink leopard print boxer shorts and cotton shortsleeve shirt you’d worn to bed. The shirt had a yawning kitten with the words “Not right meow” printed on it. Now you were blushing just as much as he was.

“Uh, uuh, sorry! I’ll um, j-just put it by the tv, I’ll be right back.” You rushed into your room to change. Were you always this embarrassing or was it something about that skeleton? You couldn’t believe he saw you in your PJ’s. That was just way too much leg for your second-(or third?) meeting. You didn’t have a bra on either, holy shit.

You looked in the mirror above your dresser. Oh great, your hair was a mess too. Your neck length hair had a strategically messy sort of style but it was never meant to be the frizzy halo of curls and tangles you had now. You straightened and combed it back into shape.

Now for your outfit. You put on fresh underwear and deodorized then changed into a blue and white checkered top with denim capris that frayed at the cuffs. One last look in the mirror and you walked out barefoot. Sweet and simple was your fashion.

Red stood by your tv stand tugging on his shirt sleeve as he looked at the floor in deep thought. He glanced up when you came in but didn’t hold eye contact. “hey…’m sorry about yesterday. i didn’t mean what i said.” He looked off to the side, still rubbing his sleeve between his fingers.

You shrugged. “It’s ok. I shouldn’t have-”

“you did nothin’ wrong.” 

You blinked at the interruption. “Well, um...It’s all water under the bridge now right?” You smiled tentatively. “Do you uh, want something to eat or drink?”

Red blinked back. “uh, no. i just came to...ya know. i’ll get out of your hair.” He headed for the door.

“Wait!” He turned around and raised a brow bone at you. What did you want from him again? You quickly looked back at the N64 and took a deep breath to steel yourself. “You didn’t think I’d let you off that easy did you? I still gotta smash your ass, bro!”

The monster barked out a laugh, sharp golden tooth glinting in the ceiling light. “fat chance of that, girly. i’m a smash pro.” He stuck his thumb in his chest proudly and growled, “i’ll take you down.”

The memory of your first encounter with Red came unbidden to your mind. The flashing red eyes, the sharp claws reaching out...You gulped and pushed it back, puffing your chest out with DETERMINATION. “Wanna bet?! I’m gonna pika-chew you up and spit ya back out!”

You hurried over to the console. He’d already hooked it up to the tv and plugged it in. That was nice of him. When you turned everything on and switched channels all you got was a black screen. You blew into the cartridge, still nothing. Red came up and slammed his hand on it. You shrieked of course, but the game was working now.

“How has this thing survived in your possession?”

“yeah they don’t make them like this anymore.” Red spoke fondly and grabbed a controller. You followed suit and sat on the floor. “you know we could probably pull this out and sit on the couch.”

“What? Floor too good for you now old man?” You chuckled excitedly while Red scowled and sat next to you.

Red chose the game rules. It was a timed match, 5 minutes to knock each other out as much as possible, no items. You picked pikachu and he picked Samus. Your first fight was in the dream land stage. It had been a long time since you played and you were pretty rusty, but you did remember one thing: Spamming down+B was a pretty effective strategy.

“Thunder, thunder! THUNDERCATS HOOooooh...” Your thunder was stolen when Red grappled you and threw you off the stage, snickering the whole time. You managed to get back on and tried to use other moves too. Red was aggressive, but he didn’t dodge much. You, on the other hand, were all over the place until you got back into the swing of things. He knocked you out twice before you remembered how to guard the edge of the stage.

“holy shit that’s annoying. cut it out!” Red was getting pissed so you backed off. Unfortunately he started doing the same thing to you. You couldn’t get back on the stage after he knocked you off. Eventually you shrieked at him like an angry cockatoo. “ok, ok geez.” The rest of the fight was played fairly, even if the language was foul.

“Pika-PI motherfucker!”

“bitch get off my platform.”

“Wow eat a bag of dicks Red.”

“that’s what you get for bringing a mouse to a man’s fight.”

“You know Samus is a girl, right?”

“haha what?” Red looked at you like you were joking. This gave you a chance to knock him out while he was distracted. “shit.”

“Yeah, look at those legs. Also she takes her power armor off at the end of her first game if you beat it fast enough.”

“yer shittin me.”

“No look.” Red’s objections went ignored when you paused the game. You turned your laptop around and did a quick search, showing him a few pictures of Zero suit Samus.

“huh, a badass chick in a suit of armor. reminds me of undyne.”

This peaked your interest. “Oh, who’s Undyne?” Red reached over to your controller and unpaused the game. “Aack!” you squawked and went back to playing. Red kept talking while you battled.

“undyne was captain of the royal guard. kind of a fishy character. hehheh” 

“You know a captain? Neat!”

“ex-captain. she’s doing security for the ex-royal scientist now.”

“You know a lot of exes.”

“kid you have no idea.” The five minutes were up and your scores were tallied. Red beat you by 3 points.

“Now I remember why I didn’t get another N64.”

“we uh, could play something else.” Red scratched his neck, which you had picked up as a nervous habit.

“Are you ok?”

“course i am, won didn’t i? uh, are you?”

“My thumbs hurt a bit, but I could go another round.”

“don’t push it.”

“Oh no, I learned my lesson with the pizza.” You rolled your eyes at him, but he was looking away. The hand he was rubbing his neck with went down and pulled on the back of his shirt, his claws piercing the black fabric. “Hey, are you still worried about yesterday? I pushed myself more than you pushed me.”

“i shouldn’t’ve lost my temper.”

“You think you’re the first person to snap at me? I have a big brother. Do you know how many times he’s made me cry?”

Red finally looks at you and smiles. “brother huh? yeah i know what that’s like. i call mine ‘boss’ for good reason.”

“Ugh, brothers are the worst. You wanna know how he lost our N64 when I was little?”

“lay it on me.” Red started another round of Smash to play while you talked. He picked Donkey Kong this time.

“Ok so, my brother Simon had a friend at school whose parents didn’t care if he played mature games or not. Our parents did care so Simon got the bright idea to trade his Starfox 64 for Conker’s Bad Fur Day.”

“oh hey i got conker. how old were you guys?”

“Uuuh I was...seven I think. That would make him thirteen or fourteen.” 

“oh shit.” Red laughed at the thought of a 7 year old girl witnessing the raunchy red squirrel.

“ANWAY. I agreed to keep quiet if he let me play it with him. They kept our video games in the attic and our parents never went up there so we got through it like 4 times before they found out. My brother traded my favorite game for some game called ‘Body Harvest’ or something. I was  _ so _ mad I told on him and dad decided we weren’t mature enough for an N64.” 

Red snickered. “What the hell kind of game is ‘body harvest’ anyway?”

“I dunno, we never got to play it!” This sent Red into a fresh bout of chuckles. “Simon held a grudge for that a looong time.”

“it  _ was _ partially your fault, little tattle-tale.”

“Bitch shouldn’t have messed with my Pokemon Snap.”

“oh man, that reminds me of when i pissed frisk off. you do not want to touch that kid’s food.”

With the ice finally broken, you and Red spent the rest of the day playing video games and swapping stories. You learned Red liked puns and pranks, used to sell hotdogs on the side during sentry duty, and thought of Frisk as more of a sibling than a savior. He learned you loved nature, weren’t afraid of spiders, and had an adorable little nephew that you were very proud of. 

Smash Bros wasn’t the only thing you played either. Red tried out the new Smash for Wii U and you actually managed to beat him a few times before he found his stride with Little Mac.You tried out an N64 game called Glover. It was...kind of lame, the controls were bad and you didn’t quite understand the goal. Oh, and you sent a picture of Conker’s Bad Fur Day to your brother to tease him.

“Hey we should send a lil something to your brother too.” You said as you climbed a mountain of shit in the game.

“like what?” Red was sprawled on the couch with his feet on the coffee table.

“I dunno, he’s your brother. What would annoy him?”

“eh, not much gets _ under his skin. _ ” You turned to glare at him and Red snorted at the big frown on your face.

“wait i got an idea. you got any brownies?”

“Brownies? Uh, I got a box of brownie mix.”

“get that, and a pot. bam, pot brownies.”

You actually laughed at that. “Genius!” You jumped up and got the items from your kitchen. Red positioned the box in the pot so you could see the front and took a picture. He sent it to his brother, snickering all the way, while you stared at the box. “...I’m hungry.”

Red checked the time on his phone. “yeah it’s gettin kinda late. hey, you ever been to grillby’s?”

“Isn’t that a monster bar? Would I even be allowed in?”

“course ya would! is that what humans think? ‘splains a lot... anyway ya wanna go? they got the best burgers you’ll ever have.”

“Heck yeah! Hang on lemme get ready.” You dashed into your room to put on your shoes and socks. You stuck your keys and wallet in one pocket, and your phone in another. A little straightening of your hair with your fingers and you were ready to go. When you walked out Red was examining a bottle of seashells. He looked at you and quickly put it back on the peninsular shelves like he got caught in the cookie jar.

“ready to go? that was fast. hey,” the corner of his mouth curled up into a dangerous looking smirk. You weren’t sure why your heart started racing.

“wanna take a short-cut?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like dialogue cuz that was a lot of dialogue! Writing about video games is harder than I thought it would be. We also learned a little bit about your family! Who do you suppose we'll meet at Grillby's?


	5. Eat at Grillby's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make friends at the monster bar and have a damn good burger.

You stood in your living room with a monster, who just invited you to a monster bar.

“Short-cut? W-what kind of short-cut?” Behind your smile a vestige of primal fear told you not to go. He was a big guy, with sharp teeth and claws. He was probably going to eat you alive in a dark alley. Even if he didn’t, who knew what kind of unsavory characters you’d encounter in a monster bar. 

Some of your misgivings must have shown through because Red suddenly looked really disappointed. You’d spent all week telling yourself you wanted to be friends with him and now you had to get all suspicious. Dammit! You had to think fast.

“U-uh, you mean like teleporting? Because teleporting sounds freaking awesome but also kinda scary. Is this like ‘The Fly’ where my particles get taken apart and put back together again? Like what if I get turned inside out or mutated or something, or is it more like-”

Red snorted, but you couldn’t tell if he was amused or annoyed. “nah, it’s nothing like that. it’s uh, more like a tunnel or a hole. i said it was like falling, remember?”

“So a wormhole.”

“right...that.”

“And it’s safe? It’s not gonna collapse or let something else through or-”

“look, if ya don’t wanna go, you don’t have to.”

“...Wormhole sounds good, let’s do the wormhole.” 

Ok this time it was definitely an amused snort. “alright then, here. take my hands.” 

As you took his proffered hands you noticed just how huge they were. Yours were only big enough to cover his palms. He was wearing fingerless leather gloves that had been worn soft from use. His fingers were roughened with tiny grooves and divots as well as patches that seemed thicker than the rest. Did bones get calluses? When you looked back up at Red’s face he was still staring at your hands. His eyes had grown into large thick rings and a light blush covered his face. This suddenly seemed a lot more intimate than it did at first. You looked back down at your joined hands, blushing as well.

“uuh, y-yeah, this...this isn’t going to work. i uh, need a better grip? don’t freak out.” 

Slowly, as if you were a timid animal that might bolt, he moved his hands under your arms. His fingers easily wrapped around the thickest part just under your elbows. You put your hands around his radiuses (radii?). You could feel thin gashes running across the bones. You were about to ask about them when his left eye started flickering and the floor suddenly dropped out from under your feet. You tried to gasp but there was no air, there was no light, there was nothing. For a split second the only thing you could feel were Red’s arm bones which you gripped onto like a life-line. Just as quickly as it had left, the ground returned beneath you. 

“HOLY SHIT!” You let out an adrenaline fueled laugh. “What a ride, wow.” When you looked around you found yourself in the parking lot of a strip mall, the setting sun casting long shadows across the asphalt. It felt like you were waking from a dream, still not quite able to process the real world.

“yeah, that first trip is always a doozy.” Red was quick to let go and drop his hands to his sides. He looked around the lot at the smattering of parked cars and the line of concrete buildings to the south. ”meh, close enough.” You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling a bit cold from the loss of contact, and followed him towards the strip.

A decent sized bar sat between an insurance office and a thrift shop. A large neon sign hung in one of two picture windows, saying Grillby’s in flowing orange letters. The last letter trailed under the rest and a blue martini glass sat precariously on its tail. The interior was dark, with black wood floors, dim lighting, and a black curtain covering the stage in the back. The bar on the left wall was shimmery black marble with purple neon trim. 

There were a few monsters in the pub. Three at a booth on the right side of the room, two sitting at the bar, and one large anthropomorphic horse monster behind it. He was an impressive sight, the thin bands keeping the sleeves of his dress-shirt up squeezed tightly around his biceps and his vest barely covered his broad chest. He had to keep his long neck bent to prevent his nose from bumping into the glasses rack hanging above the bar. A velvety, dark bay coat covered his visible skin and his black mane was done up in button braids. 

“Well howdy Red, ain’t seen you since lunch yesterday. Thassa new record.” He spoke in a husky voice with a slightly stern edge to it. He put the glass mug he’d been polishing under the bar and leaned over it, his humanoid hands supporting him. He wore black leather driving gloves but you could see some long white hairs poking out at the wrists.

“ah shut up ya old nag.” Red quipped to the snickers of the other monsters. He sat on a purple vinyl stool at the bar and gestured to you and back, giving a quick introduction.

The horse monster, Clyde, looked down his snout at you and flared his nostrils. “A human huh? Not seen one o’ them here in awhile. Nice to meet ya little lady.” He spoke this last part in a goofy John Wayne accent, tipping an imaginary hat. “Got any I.D. on ya missy?”

“Oh, um…I-I’m just gonna have soda…” Shit, you had forgotten bars didn’t allow people in under 21 years of age. You blushed and looked down at your fidgeting hands.

Clyde glanced to the corner of the room where a security camera sat. “Sorry honey, thems the rules.” Holding your breath, you pulled out your driver’s license and slid it onto the bar. He picked it up and pulled a monocle out of his vest pocket, using it to inspect the card closely. “Looks like you got another two months o’ minority kiddo.”

“WHAT?” Red slammed his fist on the bar, making you flinch. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“Eeeeasy now.” Clyde held a hand up to placate the skeleton. “I always thought that was a dumb human rule anyway. I won’t talk if you won’t. Just stick to the soda.” He held out your license and you took it back slowly, not looking up.

“I-I’m sorry, I forgot.”

Red pursed his lips and looked away. “no, i’m sorry i snapped at you... _ again _ .”

“It’s okay.” You sighed and finally took a seat in the stool next to him.

The big bartender snorted. “Again? How many times has this bonehead lost it on you?”

“Umm, four, no, five times!” You held out your fingers and smiled. Clyde suddenly let out a loud horse laugh. As he threw his head back he accidentally knocked his long face against the hanging glasses, causing them to sway and clink dangerously.

“GAAAH HA HA HA HA! Holy shit, look how proud she is! Eeeee he he he he! Oh my god!” He continued to chuckle as he rubbed his muzzle. You started to giggle at how much he was laughing, while Red growled and put his hand over his face. 

“You’re alright honey pie. You ever get tired of hanging out with this numbskull you come on over, I’ll show you a good time.” He winked one of his big brown eyes at you. Now you were giggling for a different reason, covering your face to hide your blush.

“oi jackass,” Red scowled and tapped his claws on the counter. “you gonna do your job or what? we came here to eat!”

“Alright, alright, sheesh! So what are you havin’ sweet pea?”

“Uh, w-well, Red said the burgers were good?”

Clyde gave an equine snort. “Good? Grillby’s got the best damn burgers in all Ebott. You’re in for a treat. OI STEVE!” A swinging door behind the corner of the bar opened and a wide head with sandy brown scales and spikes all over came out. This monster had beady black eyes on the sides of his head and a big frown that gave him a permanent grumpy look.

“Yee boss?”

“Make a Grillby original for the little lady.” Red cleared his throat pointedly and Clyde glanced at him. “Ya know what, make that two burgs.”

“Ho-kay boss.” Just as quickly as he’d popped up he went back into the kitchen.

“gimmie a straight whiskey on the rocks.” Red demanded. “what do you want squirt?”

“Oh, uh, root beer?”

Clyde pulls out a big frosty mug and fills it with root beer from a tap. After he sets it in front of you he gets a tumbler, puts two ice cubes in it, and pours a golden whiskey over them.

“There you go missy, if you need anything else just gimme a call, aright?” Clyde winked again and clicked his tongue. You nodded softly and hid your blushing face behind the big mug of root beer. Clyde chuckled again, walking away with heavy clops of his feet. Sounded like he had hooves.

“ugh, creepy asshole.” Red muttered under his breath. “hey, you’re not really a minor are ya?” He glanced at your worriedly. “wouldn’t of brought you here if i’d known.”

“Oh no, I’m twenty. Drinking age is twenty one, that’s what he meant.” Red sighed in relief. “How old did you think I was?”

“hell if I know, you all look the same between sixteen and fifty.”

You snorted. “Really dude, and how old are you?!”

“twenty eight.”

“How old is Clyde?”

The bartender twisted one equine ear and looked up from the two punk bunny monsters he was talking to. “Sixty nine and still goin’ strong baby.” He winked and wiggled his oddly Disney-esque eyebrows at the giggling rabbits.

“Whoa no way! See, I thought you guys were near the same age. Weird.”

“you humans are weird. so slow to grow up, so quick to get old. it’s a wonder you guys get anything done.”

“Well how long do monsters live then?”

“depends really. most monsters start fallin’ of age around two hundred, some go twice as long as that. then there’s monsters that seem t’ live forever.”

Suddenly the kitchen door flew open. The horny toad cook came running out like his short wiggly tail was on fire. He dropped two steaming burgers in front of you and ran back into the kitchen before the door could stop swinging. You hadn’t even recovered from the first shock when Steve reappeared with a ketchup and mustard bottle, then disappeared again.

Red rubbed his hands together and grabbed the mustard bottle. He tilted it towards you nonchalantly. “want some?” You shook your head, still a little nonplussed by the cook. “hey, more for me then.” He tilted his head back and squirted mustard into his open maw. You shrieked in surprise, then scowled at the overly smug look he gave you. Not to be outdone, you grabbed the ketchup bottle and squirted a dollop onto your tongue.

“eulgh, gross.”

You swallowed the ketchup and shuddered at the overwhelming flavor. “What?! It’s the same thing you did!”

“nah kid, mustard is good shit. ketchup is just shit.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, then took the toasted sesame bun off of his burger and covered it with ketchup. Red knitted his eyebrows at you and switched the plates around. You were about to do it again when he snatched the bottle out of your hand and tossed it over the bar. You gasped.

“Rude!”

“oh you want rude?” Red squirted mustard all over your burger bun before putting some over his now clean patty.

“Jokes on you, I like both!” You took a bite out of the burger, getting mustard all over your fingers. A few chews in you paused to roll your eyes and groan in ecstasy. The burger was hot, but not scalding, the perfect temperature to bring out the juicy flavor of the meat. Along with the cooling lettuce, tang of pickles and onions, and the light crunch of the toasted sesame bun you were in burger heaven. A sense of comfort and relief went down your neck and spread throughout your entire chest cavity. Before you knew it your mouth was empty; you hadn’t even swallowed!

“Huh, what happened? Where did it go?” Despite the delicious taste and good vibes it gave you, the bizarre lack of feeling in your throat and stomach took away a bit of the satisfaction. It was one of those things you’d never noticed until it was gone.

Red chuckled gently at your confusion. “yeah that’s monster food for ya. take a drink, it’ll help.”

You took his advice and sipped on your root beer. It would’ve been nice to have something solid, but it definitely helped fill that hole in your stomach. Clyde came back over as you took your second bite.

“So, best burger ever, or best burger ever?” He grabbed the whiskey bottle from the rows in the back and refilled Red’s empty glass. You chewed your food and swallowed out of habit.

“It takes some getting used to, but the taste is to die for!”

Clyde gasped and put a free hand over his broad chest under the collar. “Is this your first time eating monster food, eeeeeh?” He leaned forward and tilted his head. When you nodded a mischievous smirk spread across his lips. “Welllll then I’m glad we could pop your magic cherry.” Red groaned exasperatedly and stuck his head in his hands.

“god, it’s always sex jokes with you. at least grillby knew when to keep his mouth shut.”

“He also cut you off when you didn’t pay your tab on time.” The bartender gave a pointed look at Red’s whiskey.

“yeah yeah, three more days an’ i get my paycheck. i’ll pay it back then.” 

Clyde snorted and walked by to serve a monster who had just come in. It was a strange creature with a long thin neck and a head shaped like a cootie catcher, one of those paper fortune tellers popular with school children. It glared at you and parted its four segmented jaws in a snarl, showing rows of sharp teeth. You realized you’d been staring and turned around abashedly.

“Uh, s-so Grillby is a person? I thought it was just the name of the bar.”

“yeah, he’s a monster from snowdin. a real hothead who thinks he’s better than everyone else. just cuz you wear the suit, doesn’t make you classy.” Red growled, taking a sip of whiskey.

“Snowdin?” You tilted your head.

“oh, yeah, my home town underground. there’s always snow there so the king called it ‘snowdin’. heh, guess what he called the volcano chamber.”

“Snow underground?! Volcano?! WHAT?”

“heheh, he called it ‘hotland’. built the core and the entire capital on top of it. what a genius eh? worked out anyway, somehow.”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. How does it snow underground? How do you live in a fricken VOLCANO? How the hell did Frisk get through all that?!”

Red shrugged. “magic?”

“What was it like? What else was down there? How did you even get food and stuff down there? Was there water?”

“eat your burger.” Red pointed at your ⅔ of burger left. His was already gone.

“But-”

“eat. your. burger.” He jabbed his finger at it with every word slowly spoken. You huffed and bit into it, chewing loudly. Red rolled his eyes.

“anyway, it wasn’t that great. you can’t shove that many monsters underground against their will and expect them to get along.

“O-oh right, I’m sorry. It’s just... there isn’t very much information available. I know monsters don’t like talking about it and the monster king won’t let any humans down there, but… we can talk about something else…” You fidgeted again, now realizing what an uncomfortable subject this might be for him.

“naaah it’s ok, it’s not that big a deal. calm down.” Red patted his pockets and cursed under his breath. “damn, i forgot my pack. hey fun bun, got any smokes?” He addressed one of the lagomorphs down the bar. 

The one with yellow fur and piercings weighing down her long ears lolled her head over to give him a disgusted glare. “Uh, no. Get your own, you fuckwit.” Her white haired friend with too much makeup snickered behind her hand.

“bah!” Red flipped them the bird and turned to you, looking concerned. “uh, hey...you think you’d be alright on your own for a few seconds?” You smile around a mouth full of burg’ and nod. A smile twitched in the corner of his mouth but he still seemed worried. “stay here and don’t talk to anybody i haven’t talked to. i’ll be right back.” He glanced over your shoulder and nodded before disappearing.

Shortly after he left you felt eyes on you. When you looked around you noticed there were several more monsters in the bar than when you came in. There was a lot of whispering and muttering and some monsters kept glancing at you. The few times you made eye contact they’d curl their lip in a sneer. You hunched over the bar and concentrated on your burger, feeling very out of place.

You jumped and shrieked at a loud pop behind you. It was Red, back from his smoke run, but there was another monster that had snuck up behind you. It was a short lumpy monster, with beady eyes and large chapped lips. There were three stubby spikes on its head, four short skinny legs, and long spindly arms on each side of its body. It made you exceedingly uncomfortable.

“what do you want jerry?” Red growled, crossing his arms.

“Oh nothing.” Jerry spoke in a flat throaty voice that made him even grosser. “Just wondering what a  _ human _ is doing in here. I thought this was a nice joint.” The skeleton bared his teeth in a snarl and flashed his left eye. “Whoa hey man, I’m just sayin’.“

Oh this was the wrong thing to be ‘sayin.’ Red swung his leg into the monster’s side and sent him flying into the window. He splatted against it loudly, then sunk down to the floor with a comical squeegee noise.

“anybody else got a problem?” Every monster in the bar that had stopped to watch the commotion quickly turned back to their own food and drink after a glare from Red. “that’s what i thought.” He took his seat beside you and twiddled his thumbs. “sorry about that. i shouldn’t’a left you here alone.”

“Oh no that’s ok. You didn’t take very long. I didn’t even know he was there…”

Red was about to say something when Clyde interrupted. “God damnit Red, now I gotta clean that window. Where’s my apology?” You looked over at the window to see several greasy streaks travelling down in straight lines. One streak was vaguely shaped like Jerry’s puffy lips (Ew).

“an’ where were you when that greasy freak was sneaking up on her?” Red gestured angrily to you, making you flinch. “you were supposed to watch her back!”

“She’s fine, it was just Jerry. Poor bastard doesn’t even have a magic attack.”

“there’s other monsters that do! you know jerry is an instigator. if he’d started spoutin’ off his hateful bullshit-”

“I would have thrown him out myself! You think I’d let him start a fight in MY bar?”

“ya done it before.”

“FUCK you Red, it was my first day!”

“P-please stop.” The bickering monsters looked over at your plaintive request. You cast your eyes down and hugged yourself tightly. “I’m sorry, I-”

“hey, no no no it’s okay, it’s not your fault, don’t cry (shit).” Red hesitantly patted your back in an awkward attempt to comfort you.

“Aw don’t be like that sugar plum. We were just buttin’ heads, that’s all. Here lemme get you a refill huh?” Clyde grabbed your mug and scrambled for the root beer tap.

Red sighed and pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. “uh, you smoke?” You shook your head. Red looked away guiltily as he patted the bottom of the box.

“My grandpa smokes so I don’t mind. He’s smoked my whole life and is still kickin’. Heh, guess he never read the surgeon general’s warning.”

“th’wha?”

“You know, the warning on the side about cancer and stuff.”

“oh...right… monsters don’t get cancer.” He brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it, some smoke escaping through his nose and eye sockets.

“Aw man, luckyyy! Cancer is scary as hell.”

“scarier than angry monsters?” 

“Much scarier.” 

Clyde came back with your root beer but stopped when a squelch was heard underhoof. All three of you looked down at the splatter of ketchup from a crushed plastic bottle. The bartender slowly pinned his ears to the back of his low swung head, turning his glare on Red. He started blowing steam out of his nostrils like a locomotive.

“uh, you sure about that kid?”

“N-not at the moment, no.”

“aheh, well look at the time! we gotta go, busy day tomorrow, put it on my tab.” Red wrapped his arm tightly around your waist and you fall back into the abyss.

When you came out again the monster was literally holding you up, your legs still in a seated position. As soon as you put your feet down he quickly let go and stepped away. You slowly looked around. This was...Red’s living room? You were surprised how long it took you to recognize it.

Red cleared his throat. “s-sorry about that. guess i made a real mess of things huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck. You started laughing until you saw his hurt look and hunched shoulders.

“Actually, I had a lot of fun today.”

“really?” He gave you a cautiously hopeful look.

“Yeah really! We should definitely hang out again.” That brought a smile and blush to his face which melted your already soft heart. You pulled your smart phone out of your pocket to exchange numbers and saw that it was close to midnight. 

“Oh geez it really is late…” Red held out his hand so you gave him the phone. He quickly put his number in and handed it back to you. “Tha-” You couldn’t hold back a yawn. “Thanks. Call you tomorrow?”

“heh, sure thing kiddo. now go to bed.” 

“Will do.” You left his apartment with a spring in your step. You finally befriended the skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the nice comments. They give me life. <3 I have decided not to reply to them all individually so as to keep a more realistic comment count but I read every one of them and you all make me smile. Particular comments such as questions and critiques will still receive replies.


	6. Coworkers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You call Red at work.

You arrived to work at eight in the morning, precisely when you’re meant to. What a shame your manager couldn’t be as punctual. Even your friend Stacy showed up before he did, which was saying something.

“Hey Babs!” She called, waving at you. She was wearing the required Paw Supply outfit same as you, a blue polo shirt with khakis and a name tag. She had blonde hair with pink highlights in an asymmetrical cut, the longer portion swept over the left side. Her body was thick and curvy and her pale skin had a ruddy complexion that gave her a jolly appearance. “You’ll never guess what Chichi did this weekend.” Chichi was her Maltese poodle mix, a maltipoo as they say. Stacy spoiled the dog rotten.

“Uh, did she eat crayons and poop rainbows?”

“Ugh, no, but you keep dreaming.” Stacy rolled her eyes. Chichi herself had yet to do this but you’d seen pictures, you knew it was possible. “She figured out how to turn on the bathtub faucet. She gets on her hind legs and nudges the handle up with her little nose! It’s so cute, but now I have to keep the door closed or she’d leave it on all day.”

“Yeah that’s cute. I made friends with the monster.”

“YOU WHAAAT?!” Stacy shrieked, throwing her hands on her cheeks dramatically. Oh great now everyone was looking.

“Yeah you know, no big deal. He’s just the neighbor.”

“The one with sharp teeth, and claws, and GLOWING RED EYES?” She pantomimed each part in turn.

“He’s not so bad once you get to know him.” She looked at you incredulously. “He even took me to a monster bar.” You grinned as her jaw dropped. She was about to say something when your manager finally showed up.

“Alright ladies, breaks over. Let’s get back to work, hyuk hyuk.” He sniffled as he unlocked the door. Why someone with so many allergies worked at a pet shop you’d never know.

As the employees of morning shift file into the store, Stacy leans close to you and whispers, “Don’t think this conversation is over” and you went your separate ways. She took care of the fish, reptiles, and small mammals that were sold in store. It was the job that you’d wanted but all animal care positions were filled when you came in. You had settled for stocker, biding your time until it opened again.

You spent the next hour checking that each aisle was neatly stocked, straightening out a few disorganized items here and there. Then you went to the back and helped your senior stocker take inventory. After that you wondered around the store making sure customers could find what they needed while playing hide and seek with the manager. You also got to pet a few dogs, which was one of the biggest perks of working in a pet store. Once ten thirty rolled around Stacy, you, and a few other part timers went on break.

“Ok spill, what the hell were you thinking? Isn’t this the same monster you were terrified of last week?” Stacy immediately began grilling you. “What happened?” You recounted your weekend starting with following Red onto the roof. You only left out a few details, such as Red’s scarier magic tricks and how many times you may or may not have cried. Stacy peppered your narrative with plenty of ‘oh my god’ and ‘are you serious?’ Sometimes you’d shake your hand at her to quiet her interruptions.

“So really he’s almost as awkward as I am, I kinda felt a kinship with him. Anyway I got his number.” Stacy shook her head disbelievingly.

“After everything I told you, you go out and make friends with him. I see how it is. You could’ve gotten killed but whatever, don’t mind me.”

“Oh please, the only thing you had was shocking click baits. Probably didn’t even do your fact checking.” You grumbled.

“There were pictures!”

“Photoshop!”

“Oh my god Babs, I swear you have a death wish. Are you really gonna call him?”

“Heck yeah!” You pulled out your phone and found his contact information. Stacy leaned in, just as curious as you, if unwilling to admit it. You dialed the number and waited. He picked up after two rings.

“Hi neighbor it’s me and my best friend Stacy, she lives at 055-AACK! Hang on a sec.” You tried to cover the receiver as Stacy pounced to wrestle the phone from you.

“Don’t fucking tell him where I live!” She yelled. You managed to break free from her clutches with the phone.

“Hang on, hang on.” You darted to the other side of the room. While Stacy fumed in her seat at the break room table. “Ok where were we? Oh... yeah, sure, sorry, I get off at one... Oh hey, wanna meet up for lunch? There’s this place called Soupwich that serves soup and sandwiches…Pffft okay, so you know where it is then?...Cool, I’ll talk to you later.” You hung up.

“Oh my gawd I can’t believe you asked him to lunch. What’d he say?!” Stacy flapped her hands excitedly.

“He’s at work right now. His lunch break is at one so he’s gonna meet me there.”

“What does he do?” You shrugged. “Oh my god I bet he does something creepy like grave digging.”

You slapped your hand on your forehead. “Really Stacy? C’mon, not every monster has to have a creepy job. It’s probably something mundane like a plumber.

“Pfffft you really think a monster would fix toilets? Monsters don’t even shit.”

“Oh yeah that’s true. Electrician?”

“OOH I bet he’s a butcher. A cut throat butcher.”

“But monsters don’t eat real meat. It’s all made of magic and monster veggies.”

“Doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy whacking the meat.” You both dissolved into snorts and snickers, which quickly stopped when the manager walked in.

Polite greetings were exchanged while he put a hot pocket in the microwave. You both rolled your eyes at each other when he reminded you that break ends in 5 minutes. He left, no doubt to tell someone else things they already knew, so you returned to your conversation.

“If you really wanna know what he does you could come with me.” You offered.

Stacy leaned her chin on her hands and smiled smugly. “You’re not getting cold feet now are you?”

“Heck no, he’s my neighbor, I’m goin’ with or without you. I just think it’s a good opportunity for you to open your mind.” You waved your fingers dramatically to your friend’s amusement.

“SIIIGH.” Stacy lulled her head and rolled her eyes. You never could out dramatize her. “Well I guess someone has to keep you from getting into trouble, or from giving out my personal information!” She smacks your hand with her yogurt spoon while you snickered. “Besides, he can’t be that scary lookin’ if you’ve made friends with him.”

“Eh, we’ll see.” You both turned your concentration to finishing your snacks before the microwave went off. It’s beeping signalled the end of your break, and the return of your manager. You went out as he walked in. “So meet you outside after work? Can you drive us there?”

“Ah there’s the ulterior motive. Yeah sure Babs. See ya.”

“Bye.” You spent the rest of your shift counting down the minutes until your freedom.

* * *

 

 

“hello?”

Who the hell would be calling him at the beginning of his shift? Red was just about to put his jacket in one of the lockers in the break room when his phone rang. He’d flipped it open as soon as he could pull it out of his back pocket. Why did the default ringtone have to be so annoying?

“Hi neighbor it’s me and my best friend Stacy, she lives at 055-AACK!” The rest was a jumble of scrambling and squawking that Red couldn’t make out. It took him a moment to remember the girl next door had promised to call him. Damn she called early. “Ok where were we?”

“uh hey kiddo. listen, i’m about to start work so can we do this later?”

“Oh yeah, sure, sorry, I get off at one.”

“heh, really? that’s when i get my lunch break. you work early.” Red puts his jacket and wallet into the locker and shuts the door.

“Oh hey, wanna meet up for lunch? There’s this place called Soupwich that serves soup and sandwiches.”

Red walks out of the break room and past his boss’s office, giving her a nod. “oh yeah that place is magical. they brew up some good soup.”

“Pffft okay, so you know where it is then?”

“oh yeah, it’s up town, on Freudian burger street or whatever. i really gotta go now see ya.” Red could practically feel his boss’s eyes on him.

“Cool, I’ll talk to you later.” She hung up and Red was able to close the phone just before his boss came out.

Cassandra was the owner of Mossley Motors, an auto repair shop started by her late husband. It had been hard for her to continue after his death, as evidenced by the wrinkles around her face and silver streaking in her faded brown hair. It was done up in a messy bun, a bandanna tied around it in a Rockabilly Rosie style. Red had no idea how old she was. When he’d questioned her claim of thirty she gave him some sorta lecture about never asking a woman her age. She’d been like a mother to him since he moved into this city, and certainly had a mother’s nosiness.

“Now who is calling you at the start of your shift?” She asks, crossing her well toned arms, She did just as much heavy lifting at the shop as any of her employees. The dark Filipina skin was marked with eclectic and colorful tattoos, forming full sleeves.

“uh, new neighbor. we played video games t’gether.” Red had to watch his words with her. Too little or too much information could lead to a full grilling.

“Oh that’s nice. Glad you get along with this one. So, is she cute?”

“what?! i didn’t say she was a girl.”

“You just did.” Cass smirked at Red’s groan. “Besides, you wouldn’t go to lunch with some man.” Oh so she was eavesdropping too. Red pinched the bridge of his nonexistent nose. No matter how irritated he got he couldn’t snap at his own boss.

“look, i better get back to work. tires won’t rotate themselves.”

“Okay, have a nice lunch with your new girlfriend.”

“she is not my girlfriend! we just MET!” Red snapped, curling his claws in exasperation. Cass gave him her best troll grin.

“Alright, alright, get to work.” She waved him off dismissively and returned to her office.

Great, now he was going to be in a bad mood all morning. How did she always know how to get under his skin? Red sighed and skulked (heh, skullked) out onto the shop floor. He started on a Buick that needed some engine work. He really appreciated how complex each machine was. There were so many parts but each one had a place and purpose. If only everything in life could be put together so smoothly.

Red’s hands moved almost as mechanically as the engines he worked on, allowing his mind to wander to other things. What Cass said bothered him. The little squirt next door his girlfriend? As if. Sure she was cute, funny, sweet as a cinnabun, and brave enough to talk to a monster like him, but it would never last. Humans were fearful by nature. Sooner or later (probably sooner) he’d scare her off with his piss poor temper, as always.

Still, he dared hope, maybe she was different from the other humans. Maybe she was like Mike. Cass’s late husband had seen something in him, a potential Red couldn’t even see. He had took him in and taught him everything he could about cars. To Mike, Red was just another young man who was failed by the system and in need of direction. Many an ex-con and juvenile delinquent owed their lives to him.

Did she see something in him? She had gone out of her way to seek him out to the rooftop, and hadn’t turned him away even though he’d frightened her several times already. If anything was going to scare her off then Grillby’s would, but she seemed to like it, hell she even wanted his number! There was definitely something different about her. Something more than the way her giggle reminded him of bird song, or how her baby blue eyes were so full of hope and wonder, or that fine ass swinging along with her steps... Holy shit, where was he going with this?

Red’s hand slipped off the wrench and he banged his knuckles on the hard metal workings of the engine. He shook his hand in pain and swore. He couldn’t be thinking about her like that, she was barely legal! Ok a little more than barely but still, it was an 8 year difference. That wasn’t a big deal for monsters, but Red didn’t know how age worked with humans. He knew they didn’t like inter-species relationships. Hell, some humans still complained about others dating outside their damn skin color. He couldn’t put her through that. No, best to keep his distance for her sake.

Red got into the repaired car with a sigh and drove it into the pickup lot, feeling a little less enthusiastic about his lunch break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not dead yet.


End file.
